Coffee and Cigarettes! Now That's a Combination!

A cigarette is a pipe with a fire at one end and a fool at the other. I think it's the kind of infatuation that completely blindsides, like a slap across the face from a teacher that sobers you straight up when you're caught wandering aimlessly out of the window.
I have seen all sophisticated proud chain smokers and their weird entertaining conversations and their feeling towards smoking.
In Parties, you can see all youth in front of the doors , in balconies and terraces smoking as if there is nothing else in their Life.
Coffee and Cigarettes! Now That's a Combination.
Strong Taste! I must say.
You have this dry taste of the cigarette in your mouth and then you add the strong thick black coffee to it.
All you Creatures feel that reduces stress. Oh ya?
What a balance of Dark Taste?!?!?!
You think of it every hour to just get out of the situation and smoke. And when you step out ,that moment when you take the first kasshh, you try take control of your Life, you try to wrap your brain around your feelings.
You feel strong about yourself. Life seems so much better. Yeah?
This feeling-- ******* duniadaari!
The moment you're busy again, you think of it again. WoW!
You look at the time. And you wait for that moment again.
While smoking, this time you may be wondering what you did to deserve this Life. Or may be thinking of that special person's existence in your Life regardless how much work you're left with.
Sometimes you'd just walk down on the road smoking all the way.
You really enjoy your free time watching movies/cricket matches with your smoky love that harms you inside out.
You don't mind holding it all day.
The overwhelming sense of resistance encounters you. You people are so good at being alone. You tell yourself there's nothing more desirable than this. Which in real is a waste of time and money.
And that thing stays beneath your chest.
The next day you woke up, you panic and look for your only love. Coz people around you have left you alone. There is no one available for you anymore. You and your cigarette! And You don't even care.
There is a bubbling in your blood. You slept for 8 hours? So you look up for it. And then you breathe better.
You smoke. Yet it feels like you've never done it before and it somehow doesn't bore you. You'll try to keep this in between your Lips a little more this time. That smoke is filling your body. You are overwhelmed by the urge to never let go and then you release it in the other moment.
I know, you people are enough confident to no longer feel the need to justify why you smoke. Because you are an adult. You can smoke. You can do whatever you want to.
You people really need to know the meaning of being an Adult.
Fully aware of the side effects you go on and on and on. The same behavior pattern that follows every smoker- I don't care!
The stupid part is when someone bothers you to not smoke and gives you lectures, a part of you feels like reaching out again there.
Smoking changes mood?
LOL
You cheat yourself with drugs. Reality won't ever change for you people. Selfish. The word is Poison.
Well, it is a slow suicide and a sin too.
You people believe in God? Believe in bad things happen to bad people, good things happen to good people? ya? When your child smokes? You say no?
Do you all not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you.
You all believe God is inside us, inside everybody! You destroy your body, your Life yourself.
Smoking is clearly harmful and that itself makes it a sin. The smoker opens the door to the spirit of self destruction and commits slow-suicide. The Heart and Blood are affected.
The eyes and nasal passages are inflamed and burned.The respiratory system easily falls prey to asthma.
About half of Cigarette smokers die of tobacco related disease and lose on average 14 years of Life.
You people don't care. Right?
Remember this.
You'll be broke like a bad dream. You'l be left with scars and wounds and pain and what not!
When your hands will not be in a state to lit up that cigarette. Then you will realize that empty space in your room. You will be a stranger to your Life and to your own existence.
You were loved. You were told the right path.
You'll be Numb.
The world told you to distract yourself. But you did not care.
With this kind of Brokenness, there will be no loved one around to care for you.
Mercy#
The Lord loves the Broken in heart, who draw close to him in their brokenness.

And guess what?

You are still not sure you wouldn't do it all over again.
Anyway, at a certain age, you will be forced to push this out of your Head and Heart.
You will surrender. You will Die.
Not even a peaceful death.

What a burden! Why did you even bother to be on Earth?
What a waste of Life!

You are not C.S Lewis!
Quit Smoking. Life is really Beautiful :)


P.S.- Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say, I know it's hard. You're going to be okay. Here is chocolate and 7 million Dollars. ;)

Leaving the world behind... I didn't mean to fall in Love. I just did. :)

At some point in my Life, there was nothing more desirable than being single. There was a mental blockage, a wall preventing to fall in love.
But then there was a bubbling in my blood when I met this Man, I could feel my every nerve that I never studied in Biology. I fell in love in front of my family. My family was around. His family was around and we both creeps fell in love with each other. I was suffering from helpless imagination.
The eyes were the windows to his soul. I loved his mysterious eyes.
I warned this lovely Man saying I am falling in Love with you.
I am a kind of a woman who has enough confidence to no longer feel the need to justify what I eat , whom I date or What I wear.
I have a best friend who is like a sister. And I am happy with my Life.
I have a hobby that has nothing to do with drinking or shopping. I love my time. I can pamper myself and I realized Self-dates were much better. I do whatever and whenever.
I am a woman who is difficult and stubborn and full of questions. I am hard to pin down.Confusing.Contradictory. Maybe a pain in the goddamn ass. I am a woman who will drive you crazy. I am the kind of woman who will leave you thinking.
It's a warning and not a compliment. I explained a little more and he says,"Will you shut up?" I Love You!
The point from where it all changed, the holding hands. One day, this man holding my hands made me this commitment that he will be with me forever no matter what. The charm of holding hands for the first time was terrible and nice, both. LOL
I think I need to tell this to the Man of my Life.
So Love,
The whole world seems different now. When I look at you, I see more than love. I see my Life.
Sometimes the best things in Life are free. Nothing beats that.
I am not sure how you notice all my little things nobody ever noticed. I love that, despite your inability to know just how screwed up I am, you love me anyway. When I cry, sometimes for reasons I can't explain, you are still there for me. And there are very ugly moments that most people don't see. It's an invisible illness or mood swings maybe.
I cry and I am angry and I become childish. I get frustrated that I have to deal with this and I feel bad and I tell you that it's all too much to handle.
You love me in the ugly moments and that's the most beautiful thing about you.
This scares me and excites me in equal measures.
I had a belief there is a moment when a person truly connects with the other through the soul. It may be the spiritual junkie in me but I believe in the flow of energy. I can feel the positive energy in You.
It's the simple things in Life that attracts me the most when at a certain age it is realized that giving is more rewarding than receiving.
One thing I have learned from my parent's marriage and maybe various life experiences is maybe a question that what we can give to the person we love when they magically turn up in our lives instead of demanding things. Because actually things will remain things and are not important.
It's time to think beyond.
I was the one who fought harder, laughed louder, smiled wider and loved most. I have always been loved. This time I thought I will be the person who will love you more than you do. And you still beat me with one second! LOL
You know? You don't have to agree with me when I talk shit when I am angry.
I can't promise that I will Love you like an epic story because most of the things I know about love come from novels. And you know what exactly happens there.
So don't expect me to kiss you in the rain on the road.
But Love,
I will kiss you when you're sick, when you're upset and whenever! I will still hold your hand in public and will tell you I Love You when you forget.
I Love You for our first kiss, we were watching some terrible movie that I told you would love and we hated it. Shit happens!
My breath got heavy and my hands began to shake. We both knew it was going to happen. Before I could think Like what? Like Really??
Your Lips were on mine and you were kissing me like you would never kiss anyone else ever again.
I still remember the long drive and how you put your seat belt and how you stop at red lights even if it's a lonely road. At that time I felt as if we are waiting on this lonely road for a witch to knock the window and ask "What's up people?"
Terrible feeling.
The visits, the sight-seeing, a budding romance and plans for the future. Phew!
I love watching you when you laugh.Yeah. I mean the real laughter. I feel just amazing.
I always go crazy about my weight but I just want to look good for you. I feel the change in myself.
I can be very jealous if you eye someone else who is skinnier.
The late night/early morning conversations and the sweaty holding hands are etched in my head and All I ever think about is how I want to waste all my time with you. haha
I fell in love with you in a short time. You've left a deep enough mark for me to wait for you to live this amazing life beautifully.
Hoping for the best. Wait for me because I want nothing other than you! :)

P.S- Love is in the air!
If you wanna break my heart, I am gonna let you do that. There's so much love. :)
P.S.S- One beer down LOL

Just Let Me See You Again! Part- 2

Dear Grandpa,
It's another year without you. It's your Birthday and it's Raining. You see it had been raining all weekend and I knew it would continue to rain on your Birthday. I know it's not a coincidence.
Today the raindrop that fell on my cheek was a blessing from you. I know you're watching over me. May be in a way, you're just telling me not to be sad anymore.
Your soul and your goodness will never be forgotten.
If I could have one more day with you, I would let you know how much I love you.
I still remember your last day on Earth. The moment I saw you I could figure out that you are not breathing. The body was still.
My world had shut down, crying my eyes out and so much going through my head and I was so distraught and shocked at the same time.
I can still remember your smiling face, the way you used to sit, your voice, your hands.. the most comforting feeling in the world when I used to hold your wrinkled hand, and the way you cooked.
I cannot forget those morning walks with you.
There has been so many things you missed in these years. You should have watch me grown up. It would have been a privilege to get to know you as an adult and ask you the big questions about Life.
There had been times where I wanted to talk to you.
Life a few years ago sure was better. It's hard to forget you who gave so much to remember.
Today I completely behaved like a teenager, ate chocos stuff, played basketball and somethings that we use to share when I was a child. It was so much fun when you were with me.
Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes.
But anyway, Thankyou for your love, your acceptance and your gentleness. For all the laughter, stories and great conversations.
You gave me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and courage to change the things I can.
I feel blessed to be your eldest grandchild. I have spend more time with you.
I am also saddened  as I could not tell you about my love for you, how much I adore you and I appreciate everything you've done for me, for longer than I remember.It will really be great to see you again.
With love,
your love!                                                                                                
I know it's natural when someone dies. But it is so strange to talk about someone in past tense. May be I am over thinking. And I don't think i'l ever stop thinking about him.
I read this quote somewhere today "Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them."
I feel better.

P.S- For the good man is not at home, He has gone on a Long Journey!